literature

Spilled Milk 2.0

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Daily Deviation

Daily Deviation

August 26, 2011
The suggester writes: Spilled Milk 2.0 by *beautyinreview is horrifying in its realization of a fear that we have all entertained, at one time or another, and yet eloquent and striking in its tone of mundanity, as well as in its language and imagery.
Featured by Halatia
Suggested by OritPetra
beautyinreview's avatar
Published:
8.6K Views

Literature Text

The milk in the backseat
is getting warm, condensation
pearling on the plastic jug
and dripping onto the bread.
His glass doll eyes do not see
this now, slumped against the
steering wheel, windshield
scattered across his lap like
candy from a pinata. His face
is stretched in a caricature of
surprise, saying, But I was
only going for milk.


She is impatient, pacing their
living room in her high heels,
smoothing her dress with her
trembling hands, casting acidic
looks at the green numbers on
the stove that insist on marching
onwards though he should have
been back fifteen minutes ago.
He only went for milk, down the
street, and they are going to be
late for their own party, and she
is furious, but that fury is tinged
with an icy vein of panic that is
threatening to choke her, and
she checks the clock again, the
scream of sirens in the distance
pressing against unhearing ears

as the floor mats soak up the last
warm and living parts of him,
and the milk warms in the backseat.
The second version (fourth or fifth edit) of this piece: [link]

Thoughts on this? Is it an improvement? Is the situation clearer? Do you care at all about what has happened?

© Jessica McGale

EDIT: Was, to my great surprise and gratitude and delight, featured as a Daily Deviation! Thanks so much to =OritPetra for making the suggestion, and to everyone that has subsequently read, faved and commented on this piece. :heart:
© 2011 - 2024 beautyinreview
Comments48
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Vivaru's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

I do not usually view or read literature deviations, let alone critique them, but this one grabbed me like nothing ever before - It grabbed me, it shook me, and it did not let me go.

I first saw it as a humble little thumbnail at the bottom of the DA home page, quietly sitting there with its text slowly scrolling upward, daring me to read. I started reading right then and there and I could not stop...The words you so carefully chose to use provided just the right amount of imagery to provoke me to the core. After the first fullstop, I was immersed. I kept reading until the thumbnail's limits maxed out and the words stopped abruptly at "He only went for milk, down the str" Literally cut off at "street"! My mental picture show was just as harshly interrupted. So, I hurried to open it up in full, wondering all the while why I did not think to do so earlier and realizing it was because I was too hypnotized by the words I was reading in that tiny little thumb.

When I had finally finished reading it, I was more than convinced that I should go and check out the rest of your gallery. I checked up on the earlier version of this piece and I can say that this is definitely an improvement. A stunning and carefully composed piece of literature work like this can only come once in a long while, so I am grateful to you, the author, for making the effort to produce, improve, and share it with us.

I, for one, will be more inclined to read literature deviations on DA after seeing such a shining example of what I have been missing.

Cheers!