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Literature Text
I cannot cry for you.
I want to, my love,
every time I picture your brave,
beautiful face and remember how
you shook in my arms
as the disease ravaged you.
But this pain goes much deeper
than tears, much deeper than
any physical grief. You took my
soul with you when you went;
I will never be complete again.
I wish I could be sure that we
would meet again, but I fear we
shall not, in this world or any other.
The city skyline shines in the
darkness, like your pain-bright eyes,
and I struggle to remember you
as you were, vibrant and so alive,
rather than the desolation of those
last hours. I want to remember your
joy but it is your fear-sharpened voice
that wakes me from my whiskey-drenched
sleep, reaching to hold you when you
are no longer anywhere that I can reach.
I want to cry for you, my love,
but there are no outlets for
grief as big as this.
I want to, my love,
every time I picture your brave,
beautiful face and remember how
you shook in my arms
as the disease ravaged you.
But this pain goes much deeper
than tears, much deeper than
any physical grief. You took my
soul with you when you went;
I will never be complete again.
I wish I could be sure that we
would meet again, but I fear we
shall not, in this world or any other.
The city skyline shines in the
darkness, like your pain-bright eyes,
and I struggle to remember you
as you were, vibrant and so alive,
rather than the desolation of those
last hours. I want to remember your
joy but it is your fear-sharpened voice
that wakes me from my whiskey-drenched
sleep, reaching to hold you when you
are no longer anywhere that I can reach.
I want to cry for you, my love,
but there are no outlets for
grief as big as this.
Literature
Paranoia
Yesterday I accidently broke my neighbor's car window.
My neighbor is huge and strong, I had to do something.
So I tried to tell him that I was sorry, but he did not listen.
I am so worried of what he is going to do. Is he going to call the police, my parents, or even the school? Or will he just go after me directly?
Maybe I should just tell my parents what happened and then they can take care of it.
No, they could not help me, they would hand me right to him.
I have to look over my shoulder to make sure he is not following, but somehow I know he is, waiting for the opportunity to make me pay.
He would try and catch me, maybe I shoul
Literature
In the Syllable
...then there is a way in diswaiting.
Dust some yellow sand covers,
here uncover bare bedding.
...suffusing red planes, blushed dunes,
under incidentally quilted blanket
wet as arid curves, as sounds.
...in a persistent pavement,
in a solemn unsuited promise,
some written words erase
some letters drip and soak
unto a perfuse miracle,
a dislocated split,
a letting go of...
Literature
Insomnia
She felt as though
4am was a kind of peace
The harsh light of day barely prickling
At a horizon not yet ready to give up the dark
And a soul can rest
Bathed in the blue light
Of a monitor upon which
The heart could spill, showing forth to apathetic eyes
Sleep eludes her at these times
Giving away nothing
Eyes frantically wide
In a futile effort to convince herself it’s all for something
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© Jessica McGale
Inspired by one of my favorite TV shows.
I've been very happy lately and have not had much to write about. I've been feeling stuck and thought I'd go to somewhere rich in inspiration.
- Is it somewhat clear what has happened?
Inspired by one of my favorite TV shows.
I've been very happy lately and have not had much to write about. I've been feeling stuck and thought I'd go to somewhere rich in inspiration.
- Is it somewhat clear what has happened?
© 2011 - 2024 beautyinreview
Comments11
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Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
Hello, this critique is on behalf of <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/u/s…" alt="" title="SuperWritersHelp"/>.
Imagery
I loved this poem a lot. It's emotions were raw, and were eloquently written. I enjoyed reading this piece very much.
Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation
I found no obvious spelling and grammar errors. Very well done.
As for punctuation (and your line breaks) I think they fit well with this piece, and I feel that where you placed the line breaks emphasized the things that you wanted to emphasize, and it worked very well for you.
Overall
Overall, as a rating, I would have to give you a:
<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt="" title="Star!"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt="" title="Star!"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt="" title="Star!"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt="" title="Star!"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt="" title="Star!"/> (5/5 Stars)
Amazing work.
~Veronica<img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/e/e/e…" alt="" title="eeyoreplz"/>