literature

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beautyinreview's avatar
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Literature Text

I cannot cry for you.

I want to, my love,
every time I picture your brave,
beautiful face and remember how
you shook in my arms
as the disease ravaged you.

But this pain goes much deeper
than tears, much deeper than
any physical grief. You took my
soul with you when you went;
I will never be complete again.

I wish I could be sure that we
would meet again, but I fear we
shall not, in this world or any other.

The city skyline shines in the
darkness, like your pain-bright eyes,
and I struggle to remember you
as you were, vibrant and so alive,
rather than the desolation of those
last hours. I want to remember your
joy but it is your fear-sharpened voice
that wakes me from my whiskey-drenched
sleep, reaching to hold you when you
are no longer anywhere that I can reach.

I want to cry for you, my love,
but there are no outlets for
grief as big as this.
© Jessica McGale

Inspired by one of my favorite TV shows.

I've been very happy lately and have not had much to write about. I've been feeling stuck and thought I'd go to somewhere rich in inspiration.

- Is it somewhat clear what has happened?
© 2011 - 2024 beautyinreview
Comments11
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ilike2draw's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star: Impact

Hello, this critique is on behalf of <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/u/s…" alt=":iconsuperwritershelp:" title="SuperWritersHelp"/>.


Imagery
I loved this poem a lot. It's emotions were raw, and were eloquently written. I enjoyed reading this piece very much.

Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation
I found no obvious spelling and grammar errors. Very well done.

As for punctuation (and your line breaks) I think they fit well with this piece, and I feel that where you placed the line breaks emphasized the things that you wanted to emphasize, and it worked very well for you.

Overall
Overall, as a rating, I would have to give you a:

<img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt=":star:" title="Star!"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt=":star:" title="Star!"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt=":star:" title="Star!"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt=":star:" title="Star!"/><img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="17" height="16" alt=":star:" title="Star!"/> (5/5 Stars)

Amazing work.

~Veronica<img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/e/e/e…" alt=":iconeeyoreplz:" title="eeyoreplz"/>