I never want to go more than a month without seeing you ever again. I can't take it. There were certain advantages but for the most part...for the most part, it was not worth it.

I love you and I hate every second that goes by that doesn't have you in it.

In other life domains, school is boring and I am not sure what to do about that. Changing faculties again just seems like a helluva lot of time and effort.

Time is dragging pretty badly. I should be studying, but I can't focus even a little. My brain is all over the place and I can't get it (or myself) to sit still.

I need a...target, or something. I don't know. I am still lost and I still don't know what to do.

You are leaving tomorrow and I can hardly stand it.

So I will busy myself with packing and cleaning and preparing for school, and I will pretend that it's not going to devastate me to watch you go.

You'll be back, though. That much I am sure of.

Your bed at 2 AM is my favorite place to be. I could lay there and listen to you play your guitar for the rest of my life and be perfectly content.

<3

If I hadn't kicked Jesse out of my life, there would have been no room for you. And even though you are going to leave and it is going to suck, I would rather have you for this month than not have you at all.

You are incredible and I wouldn't give this up, even if it has to end. It's not ideal, but I will take what I can get.

<3

If it's all right with you, I'd like to keep you...

New beginnings. It is time for me to be healthy and happy again.

I have been running with Carly. So far we have gone twice this week and are planning on going again tomorrow. Yesterday was a very hard run day. I couldn't seem to find the energy for it anywhere inside of me, no matter how deep I dug. So it was ten minutes shorter than usual and I didn't run the stairs. But today was an amazing run. Much easier. We ran faster than we usually do and we ran the entire flight of stairs rather than the half the we usually do. I felt great rather than exhausted right to the bone. Absolutely wonderful. I love it when I can tell that I am improving in something. The runs make me feel great. Strong and capable and happy.

I think my tonsilitis is finally 100% gone. Today is the first day in about two weeks that I have had no sign of a sore throat. Not even a twinge. SO WONDERFUL, I can't even explain. It's such a relief to actually feel healthy again. I have some color in my cheeks from being out in the sun a little more often, I had lunch with a great guy named Kyle (although I am trying to keep my head when it comes to that one, it would be so easy to go a little - or a lot - crazy over him) and things seem to be getting a little better.

Thank God.

I knew that with Jesse gone, I would be able to put myself back together a little.